The ultimate culinary travel guide

Once upon a time there was a lovable girl called Helen Walker. She was on the way to see her culinary travel guide Annie Butterscotch, when she decided to take a short cut through Greenton Woods.

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It wasn’t long before Helen got lost. She looked around, but all she could see were trees. Nervously, she felt into her bag for her favourite toy, Terrance the Moose, but Terrance the Moose was nowhere to be found! Helen began to panic. She felt sure she had packed Terrance the Moose. To make matters worse, she was starting to feel hungry.

Unexpectedly, she saw a culinary travel guide dressed in a culinary travel guide waistcoat disappearing into the trees.

“How odd!” thought Helen.

For the want of anything better to do, she decided to follow the peculiarly dressed culinary travel guide. Perhaps it could tell him the way out of the forest.

Eventually, Helen reached a clearing. She found herself surrounded by houses made from different sorts of food. There was a house made from , a house made from toffees, a house made from chocolates and a house made from chocolates.

Helen could feel her tummy rumbling. Looking at the houses did nothing to ease her hunger.

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“Hello!” she called. “Is anybody there?”

Nobody replied.

Helen looked at the roof on the closest house and wondered if it would be rude to eat somebody else’s chimney. Obviously it would be impolite to eat a whole house, but perhaps it would be considered acceptable to nibble the odd fixture or lick the odd fitting, in a time of need.

A cackle broke through the air, giving Helen a fright. A witch jumped into the space in front of the houses. She was carrying a cage. In that cage was Terrance the Moose!

“Terrance the Moose!” shouted Helen. She turned to the witch. “That’s my toy!”

The witch just shrugged.

“Give Terrance the Moose back!” cried Helen.

“Not on your nelly!” said the witch.

“At least let Terrance the Moose out of that cage!”

Before she could reply, three guides rushed in from a footpath on the other side of the clearing. Helen recognised the one in thewaistcoat that she’d seen earlier. The witch seemed to recognise him too.

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“Hello Big Culinary Travel Guide,” said the witch.

“Good morning.” The culinary travel guide noticed Terrance the Moose. “Who is this?”

“That’s Terrance the Moose,” explained the witch.

“Ooh! Terrance the Moose would look lovely in my house. Give it to me!”

The witch shook her head. “Terrance the Moose is staying with me.”

“Um… Excuse me…” Helen interrupted. “Terrance the Moose lives with me! And not in a cage!”

Big Culinary Travel Guide ignored her. “Is there nothing you’ll trade?” he asked the witch.

The witch thought for a moment, then said, “I do like to be entertained. I’ll release him to anybody who can eat a whole front door.”

Big looked at the house made from chocolates and said, “No problem, I could eat an entire house made from chocolates if I wanted to.”

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“That’s nothing,” said the next culinary travel guide. “I could eat two houses.”

“There’s no need to show off,” said the witch. Just eat one front door and I’ll let you have Terrance the Moose.”

Helen watched, feeling very worried. She didn’t want the witch to give Terrance the Moose to Big Culinary Travel Guide.

The other two guides watched while Big put on his bib and withdrew a knife and fork from his pocket.

“I’ll eat this whole house,” said Big . “Just you watch!”

Big pulled off a corner of the front door of the house made from toffees. He gulped it down smiling, and went back for more.

   And more.

      And more.

Eventually, Big Culinary Travel Guide started to get bigger – just a little bit bigger at first. But after a few more fork-fulls of toffees, he grew to the size of a large snowball – and he was every bit as round.

“Erm… I don’t feel too good,” said Big.

Suddenly, he started to roll. He’d grown so round that he could no longer balance!

“Help!” he cried, as he rolled off down a slope into the forest.

Big never finished eating the front door made from toffees and Terrance the Moose remained trapped in the witch’s cage.Average Culinary Travel Guide stepped up, and approached the house made from chocolates.

“I’ll eat this whole house,” said Average . “Just you watch!”

Average pulled off a corner of the front door of the house made from chocolates. She gulped it down smiling, and went back for more.

   And more.

      And more.

After a while, Average started to look a little queasy. She grew greener…

   …and greener.

A woodcutter walked into the clearing. “What’s this bush doing here?” he asked.

“I’m not a bush, I’m a culinary travel guide!” said Average .

“It talks!” exclaimed the woodcutter. “Those talking bushes are the worst kind. I’d better take it away before somebody gets hurt.”

“No! Wait!” cried Average as the woodcutter picked her up. But the woodcutter ignored her cries and carried away under his arm.

Average Culinary Travel Guide never finished eating the front door made from chocolates and Terrance the Moose remained trapped in the witch’s cage.Little stepped up, and approached the house made from chocolates.

“I’ll eat this whole house,” said Little Culinary Travel Guide. “Just you watch!”

Little pulled off a corner of the front door of the house made from chocolates. He gulped it down smiling, and went back for more.

   And more.

      And more.

After five or six platefuls, Little Culinary Travel Guide started to fidget uncomfortably on the spot.

He stopped eating chocolates for a moment, then grabbed another forkful.

But before he could eat it, there came an almighty roar. A bottom burp louder than a rocket taking off, propelled Little Culinary Travel Guide into the sky.

“Aggghhhhhh!” cried Little Culinary Travel Guide. “I’m scared of heigh…”

Little was never seen again.

Little never finished eating the front door made from chocolates and Terrance the Moose remained trapped in the witch’s cage.

“That’s it,” said the witch. “I win. I get to keep Terrance the Moose.”

“Not so fast,” said Helen. “There is still one front door to go. The front door of the house made from culinary travel guide. And I haven’t had a turn yet.

“I don’t have to give you a turn!” laughed the witch. “My game. My rules.”

The woodcutter’s voice carried through the forest. “I think you should give her a chance. It’s only fair.”

“Fine,” said the witch. “But you saw what happened to the culinary travel guides. She won’t last long.”

“I’ll be right back,” said Helen.

“What?” said the witch. “Where’s your sense of impatience? I thought you wanted Terrance the Moose back.”